Translated from the Greek.
Hello Lufboro. I pulled up your blog site at the request of Hermes, and decided to contact you. I wish I had written earlier, but it was only a few months ago that Aphrodite got this old Aether-net computer for me. I have been fascinated by your country and your century. I understand that in your democracy or republic (whatever), free health care, housing and money for food or other expenses are provided to the invalid, or poor, or criminal. I am sure I would qualify under two categories, and would like further information.
I also understand that I might obtain similar benefits through a tax-and-promise scheme (“FICA”) which we might call an Odysseus Ponzi; and that certain of your mortal gods (Retired Politicians) receive those benefits, plus a continuous supply of gold, even though they may have been thrown from your Mount Olympus (read Federal and State Legislatures) after only a few years of “service.” Or Self service. However, the employment based Ponzi scheme imposed on the average citizen is not attractive. It requires some work, and a heavy tax. So, given the option, I prefer not to work. (I’m eons old but not yet stupid.) Therefore, in considering joining you there, I would like to know more. Could you please address the following questions by return email:
1) Is your country really on the other side of River Ocean? That would be off the disk of the world! On Olympus the immortals have been too busy messing up our neighbors and humans to keep up with the rest of the earth. Not even Hermes knows how to get to your place. Please send a map.
2) People there have too many languages. Couldn’t you use only Greek?
3) When Eos (Dawn) fell in love with me I was young. She convinced Zeus to grant me immortality, but forgot I would become ever older forever. Here I am now more than 2,400 years old, and I look and feel it. I read that your immortal gods, Technos and Money, may soon make all your people immortal, but terribly old too. My concern, of course, is how you can provide for us all since I too am immortal.
4) It is clear from the internet that some people in USA are above the law. Can I be granted that status as an immortal demigod, or are those privileges limited to foreign dignitaries, the government, the wealthy, and the illegal?
5) I can no longer get about, and rosy-fingered Eos tired of me 23 centuries ago, when she realized I would age forever. Since then she keeps me in a locked room. How are the rooms where you keep your old people locked up?
Please respond soon. I am excited about making a change. Besides, I am really, really tired of mutton, ouzo and grape leaves.
PS: For the last 10 centuries, some of the guys have been having trouble with a favorite pastime. They want to know how to get the potion called Viagra. Zeus¹ especially asks whether it works for bulls and swans. Also, he particularly wants to be remembered to his friend, Bill.
1. Zeus, God of Gods, has an enormous and varied sexual appetite, having had at least 30 illegitimate children by 300 BC. (God knows how many by now.) He took Ledo in the form of a swan, and Europa in the guise of a bull .